I have been thinking about this term a lot lately after watching a TV show that had an episode about it. Frenemies, people in our lives that to our Face are our friends but behind our backs just love to talk about us. I think this can come in many forms. The nasty things that girls will say about other girls to people whom they know or maybe don't even know that well. Or competing for a person's attention. Or just to be nasty. So I have a couple thoughts that go behind all of this.
1. We are raised in a society that believes that you should destroy your opponent at all costs. Think about sports today... It seems that you don't just want to beat them but you want to make sure that they all cry on the way home from the game. And that is when you truly "win". Perhaps, as women, we too take this mentality when talking about people we dislike. It isn't enough to just not like them, but we must destroy them. We tear them apart. They are fat. (Like they have never heard that one before, trust me.... that is like the number one thing we say about each other.) They have bad... you fill in the blank. Oh and I love this one. They sleep around. Because suddenly, we not only know that they are a bad person. We can see through walls! Gosh. What a talent, that must be!
2. We are raised in a society that we believe that everyone wants/needs to hear our opinion and not only that but that we are right all the time. Now, I know that I can fall into this trap. Frankly, I love to talk.... (hence, I write on a blog and I think for some odd reason that there are people out there in the world that actually care to read my blog. This might be true. It also might not be true. But to those don't care... well no one is holding a gun on you. If you don't want to read it... well then don't. its. that. simple. But to those that do read it and love it, well I heart you right back!)
3. We need some way to make ourselves feel better so we put others down. Even those that we actually like and say we care about. Like for instance, the half joke, the I'm going to say something mean but since I'm "joking" with you then you shouldn't take offense to it. Because, everyone knows that if I'm "joking" and you don't like it then you are being a sensitive Sally. And suddenly, that is on you again, not on me. Now, look I'm all for jokes but calling people names in a joking manner, is still calling people names.
Now look, I'm not going to make this into one of those girl power moments but I do want you to think about this. If we can't be nice to another female and show them respect, then how in the world can we expect men to? I'm just saying that most people learn from example and if the example is that we can destroy people around us then, someone will think it is ok to destroy you as well. Just try to think the next time you are going to say something that might be mean... Can I handle it, if someone says the same thing about me. Maybe by not being that person you will actually get more enjoyment out of your life.
