"She Said What!" Week 4 of Boot Camp.

I can't believe what I am about to type. It is week four of Boot Camp. The very last week. Can you believe that? Seems like just yesterday that I started this program feeling like I was about to die. So the question remains... Do we, aka the wedding coordinator and I sign up for another round? There are some pretty obvious minuses in the Boot Camp Two column. 1. I have to get up at 5:00 in the morning. 2. I have to be working out at 5:30 am. Which I'm pretty sure is something that should be illegal for me. 3. I whine about it a lot. Hence, every blog about the work outs. 4. I can no longer stay up past 9 in fear of being too tired to work out in the morning. I'm sure my fiance would like his fiance to be able to hang out with him longer at night. 5. Did I mention how early it is. So what is in the plus column you ask... well I will tell you. I walked into Tommy Hilfiger outlet and tried on one of his sweaters. Now before you say, "big deal, Tommy makes plus size clothing". It wasn't plus size. It was in the "normal" size section. The one that I haven't been able to fit in since College. OK, it was a little snug but give me another week or two of working out and it will be no problem.
Now I might hate getting up in the morning or getting to the gym at 5:20 to be working out at 5:30. But I am loving the results. I might hate the effort that I have to put in to get them. But I love seeing what I can fit into.
I have even found myself wishing that Boot Camp would go one more week before taking a break to really avoid all the Christmas weight. Not to mention help with trying on wedding dresses on the 23rd. Since that is coming up and coming up fast!!! Can you believe those words have just come out of my mouth? Wishing for one more week. I must be going insane. I know that I will never be that girl who jumps out of bed looking forward to working out and doing cardio. It just isn't me. I am more the type of girl who jumps out of bed for food. Pizza or hamburgers will get me out of bed at any point during the day. However, I will be the girl who will stumble about looking for something to wear at 5:00am to go and work out because I want to keep seeing the results. So no matter what the scale says on Friday or what the measurements read. I can feel a difference and that is what is keeping me going. That and a slice of pizza!

BootCamp!

So Today marked the first day of Boot Camp. Aka Bridal kick my butt into the ground and make me want to cry boot camp day. I had to pull myself out of bed at 4:45 in the morning. Now, I have to say that I really didn't get that much sleep last night. I have a bit of food poisoning from Papa Murphy's. So that might have explained why I had such a hard morning but truthfully I think I'm just out of shape. Now I have been working out for the past year for about 2 or 3 times a week but now I realized it is nothing compared to what these other people have been doing. That hour was one that was outrageously hard. I was already sore by the time that 6:30 rolled around and frankly the thought of having another day like today terrifies me. I have 3 weeks and 4 days left of the boot camp. That is with a break for Thanksgiving Week. But trust me, there will be no break for me. I can't go through another first day, like today. So every time I turn off my alarm way too early in the morning. I say in my head. Big white dress. As I'm feeling totally useless with women who are running laps around me. I will say Big white dress. At the end of the boot camp my wedding coordinator (la madra) and I will be going down to bridal row and try to find a wedding dress for me. Because it is time to stop putting the whole dress bit off. Everything else is falling into place. So this must as well. So I hope that while the next four weeks will pass quickly but all so that I can make it. Since today was just the warm up! slightly scared but looking forward to the results.

THE DRESS

Let me give you a little background on this subject.
Ever since I was a little girl watching Disney Movies, I have believed that some day my prince will come and I will get married in a beautiful dress. Not to mention I will be stunning. However, as I have grown up and became aware of the world outside I realized that most often it is the skinny girls that get to believe that magic exists in this world. You see, I am plus size. And in America, I feel like by even saying that I open myself to ridicule and pointing of the fingers. For example, like this summer when I received a letter telling me that I should start to exercise a couple days of the week because well, I'm just too fat. Now, all I really wanted to say was I do exercises but I also enjoy pizza and cookies. Thank you very much! I'm not lazy. And that was from my own family. Not to mention those who don't think when they say things about fat people in their blogs, it will affect people who haven't even met them. Then they don't even receive a reprimand at work for it. Hello, Maire Claire, I am soooo pointing my finger that you.
Anyways, this is something that I have struggled with my whole life. So the fact that I have met this amazing man who doesn't care that I'm not a size 2. In fact, I think that he enjoys that I love pizza just as much as he does. He loves me regardless of the outside. So he put a ring on it...
However, that still brings me to the dress issue. I wish I was that girl who ran right now and found THE dress but I'm not. I'm freaked out. I am very worried that whatever dress I fall in love with will not return the favor by making me look like the princess in a fairytale more like the ugly stepsister. I want that though, I want to look like the princess. I want to have that fairytale wedding and life. So should I hide and pretend that none of this bothers me? That I should just be happy with the dress that fits? I mean it is only one day. But to me, this is THE DAY, I feel as though ever since I was little all I truly wanted to be was a wife. I'm very blessed that God has given me my fiance. I am positive there isn't a better guy out there. But I also don't want to shame him. Or to make his family think less of me because of my size. So I have put off the dress. Everyone is telling me that they can see that I have lost some weight but let me tell you. This isn't easy nor is it something that I enjoy talking about. It bothers me that I'm not more confident about this section of planning the wedding. I am trying to be hopefully that I will be able to find that one dress. The one that will look stunning on me no matter what size I am. Luckily my momma is amazing and has signed us up for a boot camp for the next 4 weeks. But I think after that I will have to bit the bullet and go dress shopping while praying that I will look like the bride I want to see in the mirror. That fairytale girl who got her prince and they will ride off into the sunset. So we will have to see what comes next for the dress.